Kirk and the Friend Problem
by MockingSpock
Summary: The problem starts in the Starfleet Academy and doesn't end when Jim goes off into space.
1. The Assignment

**Authors Note:**

 **This is my first Star Trek fanfic so I'm not sure how well I've done. I have been a Star Trek fan for a good while though and have been interested in Tarsus IV since I've learned about it. I finally decided to use all of my ideas in a fanfic.**

 **Disclaimer:**

 **I don't own Star Trek or it's characters**

There was a problem right away. My hands were filled with coffee but I really need to push the button to open the door. I decided to look through the window in a vain attempt to make eye contact with Bones who could hopefully read my mind and open the door for me. No such luck as I spotted my favorite doctor intently listening to the lecture. How dare him. Fortunately, I remembered elbows as I carefully held up my arm and pressed the button. The door slid open allowing me to walk through the room allowing everyone's judgmental eyes to land on myself.

I walked towards Bones who already looked disappointed in me. However, I saw a flicker of happiness in those eyes as he saw what was in my hands. "Coffee?" I asked holding the drink out to him.

"You're a damn life saver." Bones said. His quick hands snatched it and poured the warm liquid down his throat. I could almost see him become more awake.

"Perhaps I should be a doctor." I said, sitting down.

I began to tune into what the lecture was about as I began to type the professor's words quickly. There was something about tonight and the auditorium. Then he continued to speak about guests who will being showing up in the new few weeks to answer any questions we may have for our essay. Oh no an essay. I don't even know the subject. I'll have to ask Bones over what the topic will be about. I can study it quickly before I began.

Bones took a break from drinking to say, "You're seventeen minutes late to class." Before he returned to his cup.

"I got the good coffee."

Bones nodded still drinking. "Hmm mm." he agreed. "Alright. I'll send you my notes."

I sighed with relief. "Thanks." I said before going back to listening to the lecture. There was a small ping that I quickly muted before clicking on the notes I was sent. Three pages. Bones types faster than me. I was about to look over it before the light was switched off in the room distracting me for a moment.

"Be sure to be in the auditorium at 2100 as we watch the documentary appear on television." Professor Gill said in the darkness before there was a click and a screen appeared.

"Oh sweet a movie?" I whispered.

On the screen Professor Gill clicked through some videos as he looked for a specific one. I leaned forward.

"Not gonna be very enjoyable." Bones said. "We're discussing Tarsus."

I recoiled away from the screen no longer fascinated about what we were about to watch. No no no. _"_ Why?" I asked, sounding similar to a child who just got in trouble and doesn't understand the reason. I grabbed my coffee wondering if I could just walk out. Would that be abnormal? I have left class early before…. Not right after I showed up though.

"Read the notes I sent you kid." Bones said. I clicked through the notes again now looking over what he had typed. _Tarsus IV._ Shit it's true. My eyes scanned down the page. _Half the population were executed under the order of Kodos due to the lack of food obtained because of the_ "Well hell you actually seem interested, for once." I looked up to see Bones was watching me as he was seemingly amused over the situation. I didn't find it very amusing.

I clicked the page away and sat back attempting to breath normally – to do everything normally to be normal. I couldn't let Bones figure out something was wrong. It's just a short video. I didn't even need to watch it I could close my eyes… Well then Bones would wonder why I'm closing my eyes.

"After the trailer, we will discuss the survivors that will appear on the documentary and which ones will be showing up here to speak." Professor Gill said before he stepped back and the video began to play.

There was a quick shot of a boy sitting in a chair looking at someone behind the camera. He had on a blue hoodie in which he stuffed his hands on their pockets. He had a nice shy smile. It was the smile that made me recognize him. Kevin Riley. "It was the perfect place. My parents loved it there. I thought it was finally a place we would call home." He said.

Then the screen went black. It stayed black for a bit before white words appeared that read out

 _Sixteen kids on their own._

 _Seven eye account witnesses._

The last part stood out to me. Where was the other one? Nine of us made it. Where was the eighth?

The screen went to a woman sitting down now – Francine. She looked beautiful with her dark hair down in a low ponytail on her side. "Things changed so fast." She said. The camera didn't stay on her long as it was now rushing through the woods perhaps to give the impression of running. I didn't care for it. I ran through the woods enough I didn't need to relive the feeling.

"None of us knew what we were doing. We just knew we had to get out of there." I couldn't tell who the voice belonged to. They had made it into a voiceover as the camera was showing places we had hidden when we were on the run. There was a quick shot of a field. The field we lost some people…

It showed photos of some children looking wide eyed at the camera. They were skinny and bruised. The photos fell on top of each other before staying on a photo of the group a bit longer than the others. The photo was of Kevin, Thomas, Evette, and Donovan when they had been rescued.

"They just hunted us down. A lot of us didn't make it." Another voiceover. This time female.

The screen was black again followed by white words

 _Chilling stories_

A redhead appeared that would have seemed unrecognizable would it not have been for the fact she was the only one in the group with that color of hair. She had been so young. So little. Thomas and myself took turns carrying her when she had been injured. "I thought we was going to be caught, but we were so hungry we needed the food." Evette said.

A photo of the soldiers with their weapons flashed on the screen.

"I still can't believe how lucky I was at the time for him to have found me." Another voiceover as a blurry photo of an injured skinny kid looking tired that I recognized as myself. My eyes cut to Bones to see if he caught anything. His eyes remained on the screen.

Black screen white words

 _Reports from Starfleet Members_

A Starfleet member I didn't recognize was now talking to someone a little behind the camera- why did I find that annoying. "There was so many mistakes. Mistakes that had cost many lives." She said. Her voice was professional and somber. It reminded me of Pike.

"We had no idea it could get that bad." A voice said over a photo of civilians before the massacre. They were smiling and looking happy but the photo was now black and white for dramatic purposes.

Then the video slowed when it stayed on a different person saying their account. He was a man close to my age with handsome features of dark hair and one dark eye that was actually looking at the camera – the only person that has so far. Even if he wasn't wearing an eyepatch I would know who he was. Thomas.

"It never should have happened." He said.

And for the last time the annoying black screen and white words said

 _The Tales of Tarsus IV_

The light went back on in the room with some sighs of relief. The video must have affected more than just me. I'm going to hate this essay.

* * *

Walking out of the building with Bones we were both noticeably quieter after the video. It must have been less than two minutes long but the photos were disturbing to look at. We both carried our coffee out the door but Bones was the only one still drinking from it. My minds wandered to the possibilities of how I could rush through the essay and get it over with.

"We have to watch the show tonight. Not gonna be late are you? Should I save you a spot?" Bones asked.

"Yeah." I said. I'm not quite sure what I just agreed on.

Bones must have sensed that my mind was elsewhere because he stopped me. "In case you don't go over the notes in time, you have to pick a kid to write an essay about. It doesn't have to be one of the seven eye account witnesses. It can be any of the nine survivors… So. Pay attention." He said before stepping away and departing to his next class.

I continued to stand there, dreading that night.


	2. The Documentary

**Disclaimer:**

 **I don't own Star Trek or it's characters**

I considered sitting in the back. There were less watchful eyes back there and I could leave out the doors at any time I wished without people noticing. I could always tell Bones I couldn't find him. With less people, I could also use two seats. Maybe I could even fall asleep and wait this out…. Or I could just leave and claim I showed up. I was really starting to favor that idea.

"JIM!"

That makes leaving a bit more difficult.

I turned back around from the door I was just about to sneak through. Bones was standing near an empty seat and gestured at me to approach. I forced a smile and walked to the second row. Having to squeeze past a group of talkative friends I finally reached the seat. Bones was now sitting and seemed to make himself comfortable as he leaned back acting as if he had been walking all day. Bones sighed. Had he been towering over his seat looking for me the whole time?

"Did I ever tell you I hate documentaries?" I asked. I opened my jacket and pulled out some chips I bought for lunch that I never got to eat. When I had just finally got done with my final class - Gaila had showed up unexpectedly and dragged me away from my room to help her with one of her projects.

"You… Brought snacks..." Bones said.

I shoved a chip in my mouth. "I was hungry." It wasn't until I spoke that I realized how it looked. Oh.

"Of course, you wouldn't see how inappropriate that is."

I sighed and closed the bag of chips. I guess I'll just have to combine lunch with dinner later. "I'm not Kodos, I'm willing to share." I held up the bag towards him.

"I ate." Bones said, He was now staring straight ahead already prepared for the documentary. He was even prepared to take notes.

I put the bag back into my jacket ignoring my stomach. The room was beginning to become louder as more people entered. Bones and I were surrounded with laughter and chatter. I continued to sit there and think of food while waiting for the documentary of Tarsus IV to begin. The irony didn't escape me. Sure enough, no one else had brought food. I let out a sad sound.

"I mean who doesn't eat at the movies? My brother always bought snacks for me!"

Bones turned to look at me with a very judgmental glare that I did not care for. "Food and drinks aren't allowed in the auditorium." He reminded me. I cared even less for those words.

"That's a ridiculous rule. Are you telling me you don't buy popcorn at the movies?" I asked knowing wholly that I was babbling as a distraction for myself.

"Not when it's a documentary about a genocide caused by a famine, no." Bones said.

I furrowed my eyebrows together and held up my hands in a confused gesture. "That's like… Going to watch a documentary about a missing kid and being judged for bringing your children." Why was Bones offended? Why was I listening to him? I was there! I was one of those starving kids! I had half a mind to go buy more food and eat it all in front of him.

"Why would you let kids watch a documentary like that?"

"I don't know! You're the one with a daughter not me." I argued. The lights then went off and the room fell into hushed silence. Dread filled me.

On the screen was Francine Armstead. I knew it even if the name wasn't being displayed in the corner. She sat in a brown chair facing the camera. Her eyes were sad as she spoke "I realized there wasn't enough food to go around when my parents made dinner for only my sisters and myself as they went to bed hungry." She said.

The screen cut to a different chair with Catherine Yoshida now talking. There was a small polite smile on her lips. She still seemed sweet despite no longer being eight.

"My dad told me he would find food for me tomorrow. I was young and sort of just accepted that as an answer." Catherine said. "Of course, he had said that to me the day before as well. There weren't any alarms going off in my head though about what situation we were about to find ourselves in. My parents were acting like everything was fine so I thought everything was." The camera stayed on her sad sweet smile dramatically in silence.

Then there was Lamont Hodges. He looked serious with a grey suit that fit him well as he leaned back on a sofa. "We were robbed a few days before the massacre." He said as if he was just reading what the weather was like. Lamont remained expressionless the entire time as he said, "I had woken up to a loud crash in the living room. A few men had broken in and took everything from our kitchen. My father was a big man so he put up a fight but he was outmatched against bigger – hungrier men. My mother told me we would have to go a few days without food. I just assumed it was a momentary thing and they would come back with food any day."

Lamont Hodges faded as the title of the documentary _The Tales of Tarsus_ read out on the screen. Followed by more text

 _Tarsus IV. The fourth inhabited planet in its star system. Colonized with inhabitants from Earth. A population of 8000 was quickly formed and settled into the planet. The events in 2246 would leave half the population executed in an order that is now called the Tarsus IV Massacre._

I sat through about ten minutes of the film which showed how the massacre came to be. Accounts of horror was shared and some Starfleet members explained how such a thing could happen. Kodos's infamous message was read out that announced his plan to execute half the population as pictures that was taken of the victims was shown. Even Bones flinched away from a few photos that was displayed. Kevin Riley was on screen for a while sharing a story of himself running through a stormy night unsure where he was headed and who he was following. When the stories became more graphic I stood up.

"I'm going to go to the restroom." I whispered to Bones.

"Well, be quick about it." Bones said back, eyes glued to the screen.

* * *

It was a relief to find that no one else was in there. I approached a sink and sat down next to it. I couldn't hear anything that was happening outside, it was safe. Minutes past as I did nothing but sit. It was a miracle no one walked in and wondered what the hell I was doing. Everything was still, for once I appreciated the stillness.

Leaning against the wall I stretched my legs out. The only sound was my breathing. _There were others that could have been on that documentary._ The wall wasn't particularly interesting nor beautiful but I stared anyway. Blue tiles and grey tiles. One right after the other. I grew bored of the stillness eventually. I stood and looked at the mirror. _4000_. _Yet you're still here. Hiding just like always._ They weren't hiding. Thomas, Kevin, Evette, all of them was out front talking about what happen without flinching. What the hell was wrong with me? Then I remembered there was one other missing. Patrica Wilson. Why wasn't she sharing her story?

I blinked and looked down. Better go back, Bones will be wondering where I went. The last thing I needed at that moment was an overprotective doctor coming in here to check on me.

For the briefest moment, I wondered how Bones would have handled Tarsus. It felt like a punch in the gut to even imagine him near that place. Images of the victims flashed in my eyes. I headed out the door.

* * *

"What the hell restroom did you use, the one back in Iowa?" Bones whispered harshly as I sat back down.

"Got lost."

"Got lost…" Bones repeated my words with a tone of disbelief. Slowly his expression changed before leaning forward to look at me. "You're shaking… What happened?" he asked.

"I'm not feeling well." I said before closing my eyes regretting that excuse instantly. "Don't. I'm fine." I already began to argue.

It was too late as Bones' concerned expression was already on his face. "You're sick?" he asked, no longer whispering. People nearby was starting to throw us cold glances.

"No, I'm… Tired." I said in a hushed tone trying to get him to quiet down as well.

"You look terrible Jim!" Bones did not whisper.

"Stop touching my forehead."

"You're warm."

"Can-can I just watch the documentary please?" My voice cracked as I gestured to the screen. Bones remained relentless.

"Did you throw up?"

"No."

"You lying?"

"No, I wasn't vomiting."

"JT went back for you." My attention was back on the screen. The statement was made from someone behind the camera directed at Thomas Leighton. Thomas grew up to be a handsome man even with the eyepatch. He had a cruel smirk and his dark eye reminded me of Bones.

"He did." Thomas said. He traced a finger across his chin as he spoke almost fondly of the memory. "I remember, not being able to hear anything. JT was above me shouting something as he was grabbing onto the collar of my shirt. He looked panicked and I thought - it must look bad." There was an odd smile that broke out on his face.

A video of young Thomas appeared on screen when Starfleet members had just rescued him. He looked to be in horrible condition as some doctors rushed into a room away to treat his wounds.

It was back on present Thomas now. He leaned forward towards whoever he had been speaking to. "For a few days, we stayed there. I think they did it for my benefit. I regained my hearing fortunately... JT presented himself as an optimist. Cheered up the kids. While they were asleep though. I would see the real him. The part of him he dared not show the others. He was angry. We would passionately discuss what we would change for hours. Then one night, JT looked me right in the eye and told me " _When we get out of here. I'm going to get answers for this."_ Before adding that he was also going to get me a pirate ship. But it was the " _When_." That I clung to... The way he said it. The certainty." Thomas fell silent looking off into the distance.

"When was the last time you saw JT?" A women's voice asked. Thomas's eye flashed back towards her

"The night we were captured." Thomas answered. "The rest of us was put into a dark room together except him. I saw Kodos leading him elsewhere. JT was trying to fight his way back to us but by then he was too starved to do much damage. I saw a photo of him they took during the rescue. He is out there, somewhere… Getting answers hopefully."

I was still shaking, I hadn't noticed it before Bones pointed it out and now I couldn't focus on anything else. "I don't feel well after all." I whispered. "I'm going to get some rest."

"You need me to do anything?" Bones asked.

"No no it's fine. See you in the morning Bones."

"I'll come check on you after this is over. See if I have anything that could help." I could only nod at Bones' words. I knew I couldn't talk him out of checking on me. All I could do was act asleep by the time he came around.


	3. Study Group

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews, favs, and follows!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Star Trek or the crew**

It was one of those nights where I had several dreams. Most was nightmares. I couldn't stop Thomas Leighton from bleeding no matter how much I tried, and I tried everything. Evette was missing, and I couldn't find her. All I could hear was screaming. Bones was with me in the last one, but we were still in Tarsus. I was trying to get him out of there. He didn't belong there, but it didn't matter to them. They were going to hurt him, and I couldn't stop them. I was feeling exhausted but anxious when I awoke to the sound of my door opening. Despite the nightmares I was still tired. I would gladly give a robber everything if he would just leave quickly. Thankfully, it was Leonard's friendly grumpy face that I saw as I peeked one eye open. He was carrying two bags in one hand and coffee in the other.

"What's that?" I asked as best as I could with half my face still pressed into the mattress.

"Breakfast."

It was at that moment I remembered how hungry I was.

"Please tell me it's for me."

"Half of it is." Bones answered handing me one of the bags. I sat up and stuffed my hand in the bag grabbing a donut.

"So happy." I said with a mouthful of my breakfast. As I chewed Bones placed the coffee down on the dresser next to me and put his hand on my forehead. "Bones." I said in an annoyed tone.

He pulled away seeming pleased with however my forehead felt. "You seem better this morning." He said.

"Breakfast healed me." I managed to say in-between bites.

It was a Saturday, but Bones still looked as nice as ever. Even the finest of students here dress down during the weekends. Not Bones though. He even woke up early to buy me breakfast, not that I'm complaining.

"Better get dressed soon then." Bones stepped back and began to head out the door. Wait it is Saturday, right?

"Why? M'tired."

"Study group for the essay."

No no no. When did I agree to a study group? I probably never did and Bones took it in his own hands to invite me. Which is helpful in every instance other than now. "I don't feel good." I said quickly.

"Nice try." Bones said as he exited out the door. I sighed and dropped my head down back into my pillow.

* * *

I went to two different study groups before this one and both were sort of fun. Granted, there wasn't a lot of studying but that was the fun part. I was hoping this time would be like the others. So that's why I went to the third floor of the library along with the promise of pizza. At least this time I could eat while having a breakdown. Despite showing up two minutes early, it seemed like everyone was already here. Not a good sign for a "fun" study group. They had chosen the big round table as if we were the knights of King Arthur. They were already talking among themselves. Hopefully they would keep doing that. My plan was to just write down everything they say. The sooner I got this over with the better.

"Gaila!" I greeted happily as I recognized my second favorite person there. I looked towards Uhura. "And Amelia?"

"Not my name." Not-Amelia Uhura said. She looked over at Bones on the other side of the table. "You didn't say you were bringing him." She snapped. Ouch,

Bones shrugged. "I'm bringing Jim." I smiled at his response and took the seat next to him. He moved the box of pizza towards me.

While eating I examined the rest of the group. There were two other guys with us. One I didn't recognize and the other I vaguely knew of as Shaun Finnegan. Finnegan was smiling and so was Gaila, but it didn't fool me into thinking I stepped into a study group that was just going to have pleasant conversations. Not when Bones and Uhura were here.

"First things first. Who picked who?" Uhura asked everyone.

The others replied with their prepared answers. They even had paragraphs written in their essays while I haven't even opened a document. Bones and Gaila picked sweet little Evette. She had been the youngest in the group and required extra care. Not that we minded.

Shaun Finnegan chose Francine. He had lingered on the modern photo of her on the screen as he pulled up photos. I highly suspected he only chose her because he found her attractive.

The other student whose name I never caught chose Donovan. That's when everyone's attention turned to me. I haven't even considered anyone yet. Instead of names flashing through my mind it was Evette Molson's little feet that was bloodied from running, Kevin Riley's tears as he tried to keep quiet, Patricia Wilson's screams, and Thomas Leighton's body lying in the mud as I feared the worst. Thomas… I remembered him talking in the documentary. That look in his eye as he talked about the past. He didn't even hesitant to talk about when he was injured. He was brave, still is. "Thomas." I answered after what I hoped wasn't an awkward couple of seconds.

"Which ones are coming here?" Finnegan asked.

Despite Finnegan looking at Uhura for the answer, it was Gaila who answered happily. "Thomas, Lamont, and Evette." _Oh shit._ Is it too late to switch to Catherine?

Finnegan seemed to ignore the answer to the question he asked and kept his attention on Uhura with another fresh question. This time directly at her. "Who did you choose?"

"JT."

"Good way to get out of attending an interview." I muttered quietly, or so I thought.

Uhura turned to look right at me. "I'm going to meet Thomas, Lamont and Evette to ask them questions about JT." She said.

"Of course, you are." I replied.

"It's best to know what questions to ask each one of them. So, if any of you are going to the interview, be sure to study up on them before it." Uhura announced to everybody. She had already become the unofficial leader of this study group. I didn't care, I didn't even agree to be here.

"Know what you're going to ask Thomas?" Bones leaned in to ask me.

"I'm just going to let the others ask questions." I said.

Without saying anything, Finnegan pulled up pictures of the deceased on the screen. I quite visibly flinched and looked away.

"The pictures might be gruesome."

"Thanks for the warning." I said dryly.

That's when they began to take turns reading and telling information that could be used for our essays and the individuals we chose. I tuned most of it out for my own benefit. The photos were harder to ignore. Especially since Finnegan seemed fond of clicking through them. Actually, that seemed to be the only thing Finnegan was focusing on. At one point he even typed bodies in the search bar. I gently tapped my knuckles on the desk without even knowing I was doing it until Bones threw me an annoyed look. I stopped. Instead I kept my eyes down on the table.

Either he noticed I wasn't participating or he just wanted to be helpful, Bones asked the group "How old was Thomas during this?" which dragged me back into the conversation.

It took a moment of Finnegan clicking through stuff again on his screen "12" he answered.

"And JT?" Uhura asked.

"13" Finnegan said.

"He was like the leader of the group, wasn't he?" Gaila asked.

"Yes, he was-" Uhura began in an almost bragging tone.

"Thomas." I found myself interrupting her. Everyone turned to look at me. "Thomas was the leader."

Uhura sighed as if I had the information wrong. "Thomas got injured and JT took over. He also saved Kevin and Thomas." She said.

"They all saved each other." I said. She looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"Just write down JT led them anyway." Finnegan whispered to Uhura. I was frustrated about this for a moment before I glanced at Uhura's PADD as she typed.

 _Thomas and JT were almost leaders to the group, but each of them took care of each other._

I hid a smile.

"Why didn't Patricia Wilson help with the documentary like the rest?" Finnegan asked anyone who was listening. I had been wondering the same thing. Mostly because I wanted to know how she was doing. The others looked well, was Patricia okay? Was she able to find a life for herself? Or was she like me and stuck having nightmares of what we went through? She deserved better than being trapped in Tarsus. I can't say the same about me.

"Maybe because it was too traumatizing?" Bones answered.

"It's been how long? Shouldn't she be over it?"

I stilled. Patricia's screams were ringing in my eyes. How could anyone get over that? I slowly looked over to Finnegan whose attention turned to me because of the cold stare I was giving him.

"What did you say?" I asked, voice already harsher than I should have let it be.

"She's a grown woman now."

"Her entire family was murdered."

"She wasn't."

I was thankful when Bones spoke up. "Hard to believe but families getting murdered can sometimes traumatize people for life Finnegan." Bones said in his trademark _You're an idiot_ voice. I had nearly forgotten he was with me.

"The others talked about it just fine." Finnegan carried on anyway.

"Maybe she wasn't ready to." I said.

I'm not sure in what tone I said it but it made everyone look quite concerned as if I was about to straight up fight Finnegan in the library. Gaila looked towards Uhura who had grabbed the screen away from Finnegan and began pulling something up for us. Bones was staring at the side of my face.

"Can we get back on subject please?" Uhura asked.

Finnegan's smile grew wider. He grabbed my shoulder. I clenched my fist. Fighting in the library didn't seem that ridiculous anymore. "Of course. Jimmy and I just got a little sidetracked." He said.

 _Patricia had her cousin with her. A fragile looking girl named Gwen. They were close in age and grew up together. They reminded me of Sam and I. Gwen was with us for a while until she wasn't. The same man who nearly killed Thomas had killed Gwen. I remember her body falling as she was attempting to run. I remember Patricia's screams. Thomas turning to look at her before he fell as well. I couldn't lose Thomas. Not him too. I tackled the man and Patricia picked up the weapon. It wasn't on stun._

"Jim."

I was back in the library. Bones had his hand on my arm and he was looking at me. There was something in his eyes. If it wasn't for his hand holding me in place I feel like I would sink out of here and back there with the screams.

"Huh?"

"Where did you go?" He asked in a whisper.

"Sorry."

Sadly, Bones let go of my arm. The others were discussing Kodos, not paying attention to what was happening on our side of the table. They felt very distant now.

"Everything okay kid?" Bones asked me.

I swallowed. "Yeah, why?"

"You seem… quieter than usual." He asked.

"Tired." It wasn't exactly a lie.

There was a picture of Kodos up now. Finnegan was rambling on about the moral dilemma that Kodos had faced before he made his decision. I didn't much care for Finnegan. Uhura didn't seem to either as she kept raising her voice above Finnegan. Earlier I had thought I was about to fight Finnegan, but now I'm concerned Uhura was about to. If she does then it would make this entire study group worth it.

"Let's ditch them and get something to drink." Bones whispered.

Nothing at that moment could have sounded any sweeter. "I love you so much right now."

* * *

Bones bought the good stuff and did all of the talking. He was the best doctor I've ever had because he turned a bad day into a decent Saturday. He was complaining about Finnegan most of the time. I laughed when Bones got distracted from his own rant at the mention of space travel. It transformed from _"Finnegan is the dumbest man I've ever met."_ to _"Oh don't mention space to me. It's scarier than Finnegan."_ I tried to reason with him about how it was the most beautiful and mystifying thing that humans could explore. Bones wasn't having it. _"Most terrifying you mean."_

We eventually found our way back to my room still loudly arguing about space. We probably woke everybody up but neither of us cared at that moment.

"-all the discoveries we are making daily!" I shouted.

"Do you mean all the nightmares we are discovering daily?" Bones said.

"You're such a pessimist Bones."

"You're just young." Bones said. He sat down and leaned against the wall. "I mean think of what happened at Tarsus IV? I'd rather keep my daughter in Georgia away from this mess. Even if it's away from me."

For a while the two of us sat in silence. Bones was staring at the wall ahead as I just looked at him. I was so caught up with Tarsus and myself that I didn't think that Bones might had been going through stuff as well. I wished I could think of what to say, but nothing was coming to me.

"I'm tired." I said after awhile.

Bones lazily turned his head to look at me. A half smile formed on his lips.

"Hey, we can study Sunday after Evette's interview." He said.

"I can't." I said. "Have to go to church." I nearly cringed at my own lie.

Bones looked confused. Rightfully so.

"At night?" He asked.

"Evening service. Lasts a long time in this church." I said.

He laughed, which sounded oddly out of place now after that silence. "Just say you're ditching me for some girl." Bones said. That was probably a more believable lie, he was better at this than me.

"I'm ditching you for some girl."

Bones stood with a groan.

"Alright. Have fun at church."

* * *

I sat on the edge of my bed. For nearly an hour I had been debating on whether or not I should call Christoper Pike. Before this I was thoroughly convinced I would talk to him about the essay and request to be allowed to skip it. He knew I was there and he probably hadn't a clue that I was being forced to do this assignment. If he did he would have already talked to me about it, or he would have at least warned me.

Yet as soon I had the time to make the call I couldn't. If I wanted to be captain of a ship one day I couldn't just run from things that made me uncomfortable. This was something I had to face eventually. I stood and made my way out the door but when it opened Bones was standing on the other side. We were both momentarily surprised to see each other. "Hey you're here. I was going to double check if you can-"

"I'm about to leave." I said it. I'll face my problems on another day.

Bones raised an eyebrow and looked straight through me. We were so drunk last night it seemed like he had to remember what I was talking about. The memory slowly reached him.

"To church?" He said, clear disbelief in his voice.

"Yep." Wait no. We didn't settle on that lie did we? "Meeting a girl there." Yes there we go.

"Is there even a church nearby?" He asked.

"Yeah. It's small. Easy to miss." I couldn't even force my voice to sound convincing as I spoke.

"Alright." Bones said. "Talk to you later then."

"Have fun." I clicked the door shut behind him.

Tomorrow. I'll face my problems tomorrow.

The next day I received a message as I was waiting out in the hallway for a class to begin. It was twenty minutes earlier than I normally show up, but I needed to dodge Bones today. He wasn't an idiot. He must have already figured something was up by now.

 _Lamont's interview is at Wednesday- L. McCoy_

With a sigh I leaned my back against the wall. After a few seconds I typed a response.

 _Can't. Church. - J. Kirk_

"So believable. Yeah, Bones totally is going to fall for that again. Just like how he absolutely fell for it the first time. Excellent job Jim. You idiot." I said to myself. That's when I noticed a Vulcan was walking by and giving me a quizzical look. I gave a half-embarrassed wave which only earned me a raised eyebrow. When he walked away I checked my PADD again.

 _Last Wednesday you were getting drunk at a bar - L. McCoy_

The two don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive, but I was with Bones before and after that so that lie was out the window before it had even begun.

 _I'm trying to repent for that - J. Kirk_

Bones didn't reply.

The entire week went by slowly and painfully. Everyone around me was only focused on getting prepared for the interviews and essays. I forgot to bring Bones his coffee twice which had him in an even grumpier mood. I barely noticed though as videos of Tarsus would be playing. At one point it stayed on a photo of me much longer than I desired. I sunk in my chair and watched the class in fear that someone would turn around and look at me. Thankfully that didn't happen, but I launched out of my chair anyway as soon as we were dismissed. Bones had to do a half run to catch up with me.

"Hey Jim, I-" Bones had already begun to say.

"Can't. I have a-" I started.

"I was going to ask you if you could take notes for me Friday. My daughter is coming to visit me. Spending the day with her." Bones said.

"Oh." I slowed down. Well that didn't sound unreasonable. At least he won't be sitting next to me, so I wouldn't have to hide my distaste for the topic. Bones was still awaiting an answer. "Yeah of course."

* * *

Bones showed back up again Saturday. To be completely honest I had missed him Friday despite the constant fear he would keep talking about Tarsus. So, when he found me in the afternoon I smiled. It was returned but it didn't meet his eyes. That concerned me.

"I found a different study group. One without Finnegan. It's right after Thomas's interview at the lab." He said with less emotion than he normally does. The disappointment must have been clear on my face because Bones stopped smiling.

"Oh, I wish you told me earlier. I have a thing at-" I started to say.

"Did I do something wrong?" Bones interrupted.

I was not expecting that. My lie stopped in its tracks.

"What?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed together.

"I- you've been… dodging me." Bones spoke with small smile now, but he seemed to be just as uncomfortable as I was.

I started to shake my head before I was able to find words. "No." I finally said. "No, you didn't do anything wrong."

Bones looked relieved but also unconvinced. "You sure?"

"Yeah of course. It's not you it's-"

"Dear god you're breaking up with me." Bones interrupted. It broke the tension as we both started to grin. He crossed his arms and was much more relaxed now. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing wrong my ass. What's wrong?" Bones asked again.

There was nothing but sincerity in that smile. No judgement. It was then I realized how much I trusted him. Why was I hiding this from him? Bones is just Bones. I felt my entire posture become less tense.

"When I was a kid I-" I began. That's when my PADD went off.

"Alarm for the interview?" Bones asked.

"Yeah." I said. I hadn't planned on going but I felt safer now. I looked up and smiled at my friend. "I'll meet you at the study group." I promised.

Bones smiled back. "You're going?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Pay attention at that interview!" I heard Bones shout at me as I made my way to the auditorium, but I was far too nervous for that. God, I hope Thomas doesn't see me.


	4. The Thomas Interview

_**Author's Note**_

 _ **Thank you everyone for the reviews and favs! It means a lot to me**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_

 _ **I seriously don't know if people still do this but I don't own Star Trek. I clearly don't come here much anymore.**_

I had managed to find a seat in the very back where the light barely reached. There was more people than I expected to be here, for that I was grateful. Now Thomas had no reason to look all the way back here for people asking questions. People who asks questions don't sit in the back. Just to be safe though, I sunk in my chair and hoped someone tall sat in front of me.

I saw Uhura in the front. She wasn't even chatting with anyone like most people here were doing. With a screen in her hand she was ready for notes. Does she take everything so seriously? Or did she just enjoy doing this particular assignment?

As I wondered about Uhura that is when he showed up. Thomas Leighton. He became a tall, dark, and handsome stranger. He swaggered on stage with his eyes looking around to the crowd looking almost nervous. Strangely I didn't feel anxious to see him and instead found myself smiling as Thomas awkwardly looked around for a few more seconds.

"Nice to meet you guys." Thomas began in a cool voice that I only recognized from the documentary. He definitely didn't sound like that when we were kids. "To be perfectly honest I wasn't expecting a stage. Am I giving a seminar? I haven't prepared anything." He rambled on a bit as the audience gave a few chuckles in response. "Guess this is the only room they could fit all of you in."

That was when Thomas noticed a chair on the stage to which he casually walked towards. "Oh, a chair. That'll make things less weird." A few more chuckles from the audience. When he was seated he relaxed finally. With a sideways smirk he scanned the crowd. Thankfully he didn't look in my direction. "I'm Thomas Leighton, as you all know because well… You showed up for me. So, who wants to start?"

That was when hands went up. It was selfish but I couldn't help but be grateful that I wasn't in Thomas's shoes. I couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now. I slid down a little further into my chair. It was harder to see Thomas sitting that way which was disappointing but it also meant he couldn't see me.

Thomas pointed as a red headed guy in the front. Then the guy stood and asked "You didn't talk about your family much in the documentary, what were they like?"

"Well my parents were kind and gentle people who always seemed like they knew what they were doing. Then I had two brothers who was vastly different from that." Thomas smiled as he spoke. "I loved them but three boys growing up together doesn't exactly make a harmonious living space. That's actually how I lost my eye. I'm joking don't write that down." A few people let out some awkward laughs at the weirdly timed joke.

Thomas cleared his throat and chose another person.

"JT, Patricia, and yourself was the oldest kids in the group. Did each of you protect the younger children or was that role just obtained by one person?"

Thomas looked up as if in thought. "All three of us yes. Usually not at the same time. I got injured. Patricia lost her cousin. JT would go and find food. The role was passed around I suppose."

"Why did the survivors stay in a group instead of splitting up? Wouldn't it have been easier to hide in fewer numbers?"

Thomas went quiet. It could have been because he was thinking of how to respond but I highly suspected it was because the question irritated him just as much as it irritated me. I looked over at the guy who asked the question. This asshole is a future Starfleet Member? It didn't dawn on him at any point in this assignment that scared children might want to stick together? A deep breath was audible before Thomas answered.

"I would have never survived on my own." Thomas's voice was much calmer than I expected it would have been in his answer. "I highly doubt seven year old Kevin Riley or eight year old Evette would have been able to scavenge for food by themselves. We would have been easily captured when we would take a much-needed rest if we didn't have someone on guard duty during the night. Being in a group kept us alive. Made us have something to protect besides ourselves. It kept us going."

Well that was definitely better than the upset answer I would have gave him.

"What is Patricia Wilson doing nowadays? She wasn't on the documentary." A woman asked next.

"Don't know." Thomas replied before choosing the next person.

"What is your plan for the future?"

"Um…" Thomas seemed to hesitate "Start a family with my fiancé."

Hearing that made me suddenly relieved and happy for Thomas. He had someone. A person he could start a future with, a future of possible happiness for him. A fleeting moment of curiosity went through me. Thomas seemed… guarded. I wondered what type of person broke through those walls. I found myself wanting to meet his fiancé.

I myself was still too guarded. Hell, I was having trouble with friendships, I couldn't imagine starting a family. I haven't told Bones shit about me and he's definitely took notice of it. All he knows is that I'm from Iowa. His questions normally goes a little like " _You have to take care of yourself better. Did you worry your poor mother this much?"_ Or another one he asked while we was eating lunch. " _Your siblings try to steal your food as a kid or something?"_ The questions would be pretty sneaky if he hadn't looked at me with curiosity shining in his eyes as moments passed awaiting my answer. Probably at this point he just wanted confirmation that I did indeed have a family. I would always just laugh and change the subject. I was good at that.

My attention was brought back to Thomas when another question was asked. "Do you keep in contact with any of the survivors?"

"In the beginning I did." Thomas said. "After a while, just like all childhood friends, we drifted apart."

Time passed slowly as several more people asked questions. Thomas usually gave short and sweet answers. Occasionally he would give a more fleshed out response but it certainly wasn't common. It was clear Thomas had already mentally checked out of this place. Can't say I blame the guy.

That was when Thomas picked a person to the left in front of me. _What the hell is he sitting in the back and asking questions for ? He should have sat in the front for that?_ I then realized that the room was so full that the guy probably didn't have any choice but to sit back here. _Shit_. I moved my hand to slightly cover my face as a pretense that I was scratching my forehead. The person stood to ask their question. "What steps do you believe Starfleet should take to make sure an incident such as the Tarsus Massacre never happens again?"

Thomas took a bit to think over his response. He was still looking over at our direction which was making me anxious. I continued to try to casually hide my face. I just had to hope he didn't recognize me.

Eventually, Thomas answered with a smile. "I believe I should be asking you kids that instead of the other way around." When he looked away I sighed with relief. That didn't last long as I saw who he picked next "The pretty lady with the ponytail in the front." He pointed at Uhura.

"Can you tell us about JT?"

For a moment I thought he looked back at my direction but then he continued scanning the crowd as if he was just thinking over the question. "He may have been the oldest in the group, but he was still a child." Thomas began. "A scared child just like the rest of us. The only difference was his ambition. It was his strength and weakness. Truth be told, I didn't understand him. I wanted to. I so badly wanted to. We were just so hungry at the end that I have no idea how he kept that strong mindset, how he kept us going."

The praise made me uncomfortable. I stopped covering my face and looked back at the door. Surely this will be over soon. I hoped so at least.

"He was a piece of shit though." My head snapped back towards the stage.

Thomas gaze was back at my direction. I was fairly certain he recognized me. "It's was a real _real_ shitty move, not reaching out to the other survivors. If he is out there I mean. Hell, I would have really liked to know he was alive and well."

I was sitting up now mostly out of surprise as I looked around to see other people's confusion. When my attention returned to the stage he continued speaking. "That would have made some nights easier to sleep through. No really, get that down. Make sure you have that JT is a little asshole."

When I noticed Thomas was grinning I couldn't help but give a uncomfortable smile back. I guess this was one way to get back at me. "Also that he had terrible ache and an annoying laugh." Thomas said. Okay he was just getting petty now, but I smiled anyway. Thomas didn't seem to care that he made everyone uncomfortable as he stood casually to leave. "Thank you for your questions and have a nice night."

Instead of walking off the stage he jumped off landing on both his feet. People was looking at each other at this point not knowing what the hell made Thomas start acting like that. Everyone else began to head towards the doors as I remained sitting down as he approached me. I stood upon his arrival. There was a strange mixture of emotions within me. Fear, embarrassment, happiness, and sadness. However, surprise concerning the scene he caused was the only thing I could express on my face.

"Did you get all of the answers you needed?" Thomas asked with his hands in his pockets. There was a cruel smile on him but I didn't care.

"I'm not entirely sure all of that was accurate. He couldn't have been that bad." I managed to get out. My words sounded wrong. Frightened.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Thomas asked. His smile disappeared with his face tightening. "I'm conflicted."

"About what?"

"I don't know if I want to hug you or punch you." His words came off harsh as if to show he wasn't joking about that punching part.

"Can I have a say in the matter?" I asked after a few seconds.

Thomas stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. I was aware that people leaving must have been glancing over here and wondering what we was doing but I decided not to think about that. I wrapped my arms around him as well and we stayed like that for a good minute.

"I thought you were dead." Thomas said into my ear. "You should have let us know. At least _me_ know that you were okay."

"I'm sorry."

Thomas pulled out of my arms. He stepped back and examined my clothes. "Starfleet huh?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"And they're making you do a essay over Tarsus? Jesus."

"At least I don't have to study for it."

"There's that I suppose." Thomas did the sideways smile I saw on the documentary. It was much more friendlier than the smile before it. "Who'd you choose? Yourself?"

"You, actually."

Thomas raised his eyebrows. Then he swallowed "Shit I probably should have talked more about myself then."

I laughed, the sound oddly out of place."Yeah that's what you were _supposed_ to do."

Thomas beamed at me and grabbed my shoulder.

"I'm stealing you. All weekend. Come on." Thomas must have saw the hesitation in my face because he continued talking. "It's Saturday. You don't have any classes - come on man. It's the least you can do for me."

Thomas was right, it was the least I can do for him. I remembered the words he spoke on stage, how he couldn't sleep because he wondered what happened to me. That was my fault. I never once reached out to him.

"Alright." I weakly nodded. "Let me just get my things."

I grabbed the PADD from the chair I had been sitting on and typed up a message for Leonard. At least this time it wasn't a lie.

 _Have to cancel. Something came up - J. Kirk_

Just a couple of moments later I received a response

 _Why am I surprised? - L. McCoy_

I didn't have enough time to think over what Leonard sent me as Thomas was already leading me out the door.


	5. Weekend With Thomas

**Author's Note:**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews, follows, and favs! They're what motivate me so thank you again. I changed the genre from humor to friendship. I had planned to bring more humor to it but clearly I went in a different direction .**

 **Disclaimer:**

 **I don't own the characters or Star Trek**

Thomas had chosen a bar right outside the campus. It had made me nervous as it was one Bones and I frequently visited together. I didn't exactly want to be caught drinking with Thomas Leighton as that raised questions I didn't want to answer. It was the reason I changed out of my uniform before we left. Even as I changed I was looking over my shoulder the entire time in fear that Bones was going to appear and ask why the hell I was hanging out with a Tarsus IV survivor.

However at the moment the paranoia was replaced by overwhelming happiness that can only be brought out by seeing a face I never thought I would see again. A face that I so closely connected to traumatic memories in the past that I forgot that he didn't just exist in nightmares.

Smiling at me was a memory all grown.

"So what's your real name? It can't be JT." Thomas asked as we were given our drinks.

I remember when I thought calling myself that would make a brighter future for me. I thought I was leaving my past behind for better times - better years.

At the same time I couldn't be more grateful that it wasn't my name that I associated with the event. It was already followed around by my father's ghost. Two events wouldn't have done it any good.

"Jim."

"Jim. Jim with no middle or last name." Thomas nodded at the answer but his words showed he wasn't satisfied with it.

"James Tiberius Kirk." I said with a hint of shame in my voice.

For a second I thought he wouldn't understand what that name meant. Then I saw the realization run across his face.

"Kirk?"

"Yeah."

Thomas lifted the glass in his hand towards his mouth. "That... makes sense." he said before taking a drink. Then, when he placed it back down on the counter, he returned back to speaking. "So you're not exactly as hidden from fame as I thought you were. I definitely can't hide from it. Not with this reminder all the time." He gestured towards the eyepatch.

"I'm sorry."

The apology caused a reaction out of Thomas who turned to look back at me with his eyebrows pressed together in confusion. His eye looked my face over.

"You didn't do it." Thomas said sounding offended by my apology. "Plus the asshole who did do it was killed by Pats anyway so." The familiar nickname made me remember the other person missing from the documentary.

"Where is Patricia?"

"Last I've heard she is living with her girlfriend."

"Is she happy?"

"I don't know." Thomas answered, voice softer than before.

"Are you?"

The smirk returned back on his sharp face. "Right now, I am."

* * *

After a few drinks in, Thomas the Talkative decided to catch me up to his entire life story with wild hand gestures all the while becoming one of the loudest people in the bar. I didn't mind. It was something I had forgotten about Thomas. He had a way of grasping my attention. The way he moved and spoke - he was a natural at maintaining conversations. I imagined he had more than one friend unlike me. It reminded me of those nights we would stay up next to each other keeping guard. The secrets we shared with each other as well as our attempts to lighten the mood.

I don't even think we would have been friends if it wasn't for that situation that pushed us together. We had been two entirely different kids before Kodos. I had been a troublemaker already - acting out soon after Sam left. While Thomas was just a happy kid in a happy living situation. I probably would of held that against him out of jealousy at the time if things had gone differently. But instead, I was wishing he could have stayed that happy.

"My grandparents became overprotective when I went to live with them and I can't really blame them. Their son and two grandsons were killed so it's understandable. But it made sneaking out hard." Thomas said - no longer even paying attention to his drink at this point.

"Bet you still did." I said.

"You'd win money because I slept in the second floor but there was a tree right outside the window. However, I was terrible at climbing, as you remember." Thomas gestured towards me.

"You fell more than all of the rest of us combined. Little kids included." I remembered.

"I fell from that tree more times than not. Yet, there was someone worse at climbing than I was."

"Who?"

"My high school girlfriend." Thomas said.

I had to put down my drink to lean forward.

"Oh shit."

"Zoe fell right off the highest branch and broke her arm. In the middle of the night to make things worse. She was screaming and I was panicking knowing I was going to get in trouble because my grandparents was waking up over the noise." Thomas stopped a moment to dramatically sign. "Now I'm not proud of this-"

I laughed at the beginning of that sentence.

"I have a feeling this relationship didn't last long."

Thomas carried on talking as if I hadn't said anything. "I pretended she was a robber and called the cops." I erupted into more laugher, much louder than before. Thomas grinned as he tried to explain himself. "I couldn't let them know I was sneaking a girl in my room. My grandfather was scary as hell."

"Damn if you had those morals at Tarsus you would have killed us all." I hadn't really meant to say that outloud. It was probably the alcohol's fault.

Luckily, Thomas wasn't offended. "Zoe wasn't going to die, she was just overreacting." He argued.

"Did that plan work?"

"Hell no, the cops saw right through it!" Thomas all but shouted. He was a loud drunk. "Zoe broke up with me-"

"Good. Poor Zoe." I interrupted.

"-and that was the angriest my grandfather had ever been. It felt like he screamed at me the rest of the night. He might have even hit me I don't remember."

I stopped smiling when my own memories of Frank filled my thoughts. Thomas was still smiling as I examined his face to see if he was serious or not.

"You don't remember?" I asked.

Thomas looked over at me and noticed the expression on my face. He stopped smiling as well before rushing words out of his mouth. "He didn't make a habit of it if that's what you're thinking." He said.

I nodded but the joyful mood we had moments before wasn't recaptured the rest of the night.

* * *

Thomas brought me to his hotel room wishing to talk to me some more before going our separate ways. I was nervous about being caught talking to him but it was late at night and I enjoyed catching up with him so I agreed. We got a ride back as Thomas carried most of the conversation on the way there.

It was a slightly more pleasant conversation than the one back at the bar. Thomas would mention Tarsus occasionally but I would steer the conversation back to whatever we was talking about before it went there. Eventually however I grew hungry and went out to bring us back some food.

It was when I was trying to return back with the food that I turned the corner of the hallway and ran into

"Finnegan." I said more out of surprise than a greeting.

"Jimmy! Hey kid, are you getting laid too?" Maybe you'll stop looking so miserable all the time!" Finnegan hit me on the shoulder quite roughly.

Thomas must have heard voices in the hallway because he walked out of his room and shouted "Damn I'm starving again Jim, you take forever!" Before he saw me with somebody.

"Sorry about that" I said back, my voice was oddly quiet so I was unsure if he heard me. Looking back at Finnegan I noticed he was still staring at Thomas.

"It's alright." Thomas said.

Thomas examined the man I was with. It was clear he couldn't tell if I needed his help with a fight or if I needed him to go away for the protection of my identity. He chose the second as he returned back to his hotel room throwing me a worried glance.

"Isn't that Thomas Leighton?" Finnegan asked as soon as the door closed.

I was trying to work out a answer in my head but Finnegan went back to talking.

"I see why you didn't need to go to our study groups anymore, when you can just talk to the man himself!"

"I gotta go." I tried to walk passed him.

"Wait, how do you know him?" Finnegan responded - blocking my path.

"I know him because of the assignment."

"Think he can introduce me to Francine Armstead?" The question made me tense up.

"Why are you looking angry Jimmy? Come on - you saw her on that documentary right? You saw that figure just as I did."

Finnegan had a stupid necklace around his neck where my hands wanted to be. He was taller but I think I could still reach and hold on for quite a bit.

I could even use the necklace instead.

"It's just a joke relax. Even though it would help me on my essay you know? Since you get to talk to Thomas it's only fair I get to talk to the subject of my assignment." Finnegan continued as if it wasn't clear on my face that I loathed everything he was saying.

"Hasn't she been through enough?" I bit out sharply.

"Oh funny, but I would treat her well. Really well."

I took a step towards Finnegan. This wasn't the academy, there was no one around to see me punch the side of his mouth. However I settled with words for the moment.

"Stop talking about her like that." I said in a low voice.

"It's a joke! Who am I hurting here? Relax a bit will you?"

I finally exhaled a breath to regain control of my anger and walked passed him. He didn't stop me this time.

"Fine! See you around Jimmy!" I heard Finnegan shout behind me.

Before I made it back to the door I received a call which just amplified my stress that Finnegan caused. I turned back to make sure he was a good distance away before answering the call.

"What?" I asked rubbing a hand over my face. There was no need to bother checking who made the call because I knew who it was. Why does everything always have to happen at once and usually during a bad time?

"Hey Jim, sorry about my last message." I heard Bones start to say. "Where are you kid? I need to complain about shit."

God, he needed to complain about shit? After that passive aggressive message he sent me just hours ago?

"I'm too tired for this." I said.

"You alright?" And Bones already started in on me.

"I meant emotionally and mentally. Just stop bothering me."

Finnegan couldn't have enough information to put two and two together…. surely… All he knows is I have hanged out at least once with Thomas Leighton. He doesn't know the relationship goes deeper than that. Even if he did figure it out, he probably wouldn't tell anybody…. God who am I kidding. He would tell everybody.

"Didn't realize I was such a bother to you." Bones said.

The news would spread around quickly. Questions about my mental stability would spread just as fast. Would Bones mention my panic attack to somebody? He definitely doesn't let me hide when I have the cold or flu. He is always dragging me around for check ups. Why would this be any different? He would diagnose it as PTSD and I would be seen as unfit for Starfleet.

"Are you always this needy? Jesus no wonder she left you." I snapped. My selfish fears and anxieties left me the moment those words left my mouth. Now there was only one thought on my mind. Oh my god what did I just say?

"God wait I didn't mean that." I said, panicked.

Seconds passed as my stomach felt like it was doing flips. I walked away from the door as if it would help me fix the situation and possibly to make sure Thomas couldn't hear. I opened my mouth to explain but Bones spoke before I could. "You meant it." he replied, his real anger sounding so much different than his normal grumpy 'anger'. The call was disconnected right after. I went straight to messaging.

I'm sorry - J. Kirk

I muttered every swear word that crossed my mind, ironically sounding more like Bones than myself at the moment. Or Thomas… They both seemed to like swearing.

Where are you? We can talk. You can complain about shit and hit me in the face if that'll make you forgive me? - J. Kirk

I sent another message after the first one was ignored.

* * *

"What's up?" Thomas asked as I walked in probably looking stressed beyond belief.

"Ruined a friendship." I said, placing the food I just bought down on Thomas bed.

"That guy looked like a asshole anyway."

"Oh no not him. I've always hated that guy. No, I received a call right after that and I said something I shouldn't have."

"Sorry man… You got me at least?" Thomas said.

Until I screw that up as well.

I wasn't that hungry anymore and instead I pulled up my neglected essay.

"This damned assignment." I breathed out.

"Oh you have to let me help. It is about the great Thomas after all." Thomas walked across the room and snatched the PADD from my hand.

"I don't like reliving this stuff."

"Clearly you're writing it wrong." Thomas replied. He began to type which snatched my attention back to him.

"What?" I asked. "What are you writing?"

Thomas just grinned at me as he continued.

"Here." He finished quickly.

I gave him a skeptical look before taking the PADD and reading over what he wrote. I laughed and shook my head. "I can't… I can't have this on my essay."

Thomas likes top shelf whiskey and is unquestionably the best at video games. He knows a total of three jokes that he uses in conversation to sound funny and they made about ⅔ of the people he used them on laugh. Other skills include being able to guess what people were talking about when he wasn't listening, smiling at people he doesn't like, clapping, not caring anymore when he has nightmares, wrapping towels around his waist, and surviving massacres. Thomas likes long walks on the beach with ten hot babes who all have a martini in hand. All of the martinis is for Thomas though.

"But it's all true." Thomas argued with a defensive tone.

"Even the last part?"

"I said likes not has."

* * *

In less than an hour I found myself a exhausted and wishing to return back to my room for the night. Thomas called a ride for me as we waited outside. He only asked once if I would like to sleep on the chair in his hotel room instead of returning all the way back to the academy for the night but I declined.

"Hey JT - I mean Jim." Thomas corrected himself.

"It's fine." I said.

Thomas didn't speak again for a bit. I thought perhaps there was going to be the end of it until finally he found the question he wanted to ask.

"Is it only the survivors that you could do the assignment over?"

"So I've been told." I said.

"That's kind of shitty."

"Yeah."

"There was sixteen of us in those woods." Thomas didn't need to remind me.

"I know."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"I still haven't moved on like everybody else." Thomas admitted while refusing to turn to look at me as we waited.

I examined his face with a frown before turning away as well.

"Not everybody else did."

* * *

The next day arrived and I was with Thomas again since I couldn't exactly hang out with Bones after last night's conversation.

Thomas was in a good mood again and smiled like nothing bad had ever happened to him before. It must have rubbed off on me a little bit because I found myself smiling despite everything that happened yesterday.

"I told you I was stealing you all weekend, remember?" Thomas said to me as we walked on the sidewalk.

"I mean it's Sunday and you said that Saturday night." I reminded.

"Shhhh don't argue with me. Monday is now a weekend."

"I have classes."

"I will say please."

"I will not care."

"Jim. I lost an eye." Thomas said .

I stopped walking and turned to look at him with a surprised expression. Thomas looked innocently back at me.

"Oh my god are you seriously going to use that against me?" I asked, horrified.

"I will if I have to."

"That's horrible."

"It is horrible that I lost an eye." Thomas agreed.

"Fine." I snapped the word out of my mouth. "Monday isn't that important anyway."

"Yes!" Thomas cheered. "You're the best Jim." He hands clasped my shoulder for a second before he decided he wanted to continue walking like he was in a hurry to see the world. I didn't get his attitude but I went along with it anyway.

I sighed and started walking again. "So what are your plans anyway?" I asked, a little by behind Thomas now so he had to slow down so I could catch back up with him.

"I hear they are showing the Tarsus IV documentary somewhere in the city as well."

My eyes widened and I cut my eyes back at him.

"I'm fucking with you oh my god." Thomas laughed.

"Thomas." I began, worried about the dark sense of humor that Thomas was starting to present to me.

However, Thomas interrupted me. "I was just thinking the bar again."

"You drunk a lot last night - oh." There was a reason this situation felt horribly familiar and wrong at the same time. I've had similar conversations like this one before but this time I'm the overprotective older friend.

Remembering Bones made me want to vomit. The memory of what I said to him last night wouldn't leave me now and I suddenly agreed with Thomas about drinking. You meant it. I've never heard Bones use that tone before. It was so pained and unlike him that I felt horrible that I was the one that brought that out of him.

"So? Drink the pain away right?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah I guess that'll be fine - you don't have a drinking problem do you? Am I enabling you?"

"Nah. I'm just trying to avoid going home to be honest." Thomas said, casually as if he wasn't admitting something right there.

"Why?"

"I'm getting married." Thomas said.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It's a great thing. I love her. She perfect… and I'm…" Thomas stopped wherever he was going with that sentence and changed the subject. At that moment I understood how Bones felt a lot more than I thought I ever would.

* * *

It was clear something was up with Thomas Leighton.

He wasn't talking a lot but at the same time tried to act like everything was absolutely fine. The smiles and nods as he forced me to carry on the conversation this time was painfully fake. He was listening but I would catch a quick snarl of his nose or the flash of a frown and the momentary look of resentment as he looked at me. I had to remember if it was actually Bones I pissed off last night and not him instead. The behavior was throwing me off completely until finally when I was talking about Pike - Thomas couldn't keep it to himself anymore.

"You're uh… Living a good life here aren't you?" Thomas asked me eventually. I should had been relieved that he was talking again but he said it the same way a parent would before criticizing your life choices.

"So are you from the sound of it" I said with a smile. Thomas gave out a harsh sounding laugh. "- a fiancé?" I asked.

"Like it'll last." Thomas said before taking a drink.

"Thomas? You okay?"

"They pulled a lot of strings for you didn't they? George Kirk's son." Thomas's cruel smile was back and his words had a bite to them. "They kept your name off the news. Let you live your life not known as the Tarsus IV boy. Then they brought you into the Starfleet Academy. Useful fucking name you have there JT. All of those friends in high places and you couldn't be bothered to send me any word that you were alive." Thomas was getting loud and since it was my private information he was sharing I went to shushing him.

"Whoa hey what the hell I was thirteen and traumatized okay?" I said in a whispered voice. "I was focused on trying to go back to a normal life - as much as I could anyway."

Thomas sighed and looked back at his drink. "Sorry… sorry… I just think too much." He looked back at me. "I'm always remembering you see?"

"Maybe you've had too much to drink." I said.

"I'm not even drunk." Thomas said. For some reason I believed him. "The ones that starved… The ones younger than me… I could have-"

"Don't go there." I said in a hurried fashion. "I've played around with survivors guilt. Don't. We all shared our food equally."

Thomas's nose crinkled "You didn't. You stopped eating."

"I almost died doing so. Kodos had to- "

"Friends in high places." Thomas interrupted me.

"I was in the worst condition at the time he was just trying to make sure I didn't die before the Starfleet showing up."

"I lost a fucking eye!" Thomas screamed, his voice carrying across the bar. "Have you seen this side of my face?"

"I know! I was there!" I shouted back.

"Oh, you were there?" Thomas laughed. "You want me to be grateful that you turned around to save me?"

"Will you stop yelling?!" I shouted again when we was getting everyone's attention. It was a loud bar but people tend to notice when a fight was about to break out.

"Thomas…. Thomas talk to me." I asked, my voice returning to it's normal volume.

"About what? You clearly hate talking about Tarsus. Anytime I bring it up you look literally pained, and I hate talking about how we've been doing. It feels like I'm dancing around what I want to ask." The last part worried me even more. What did Thomas want to ask me? Did I even want to know? I knew I had to ask anyway.

"What do you want to ask?" I said, my voice not masking the concern I felt.

"Why did you give up?" Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't that question.

"I didn't."

"You did! You stopped eating!" Thomas was begin to raise his voice again. I didn't feel like shushing him anymore. "I was begging you to eat! I was practically screaming at you to survive and you refused to take another bite. Why would you do that to me? After everything, you were going to leave me?"

Those were memories I did not wish to revisit.

The bar was still louder than us thank god but I wished we wasn't having this conversation in public. Actually I wished we wasn't having this conversation.

"Kevin was just… so thin. I couldn't lose another one that way."

"So I had to lose you?" Thomas's voice sound like it was going to break.

"You didn't. I'm here." I said.

"I thought we lost you." Thomas repeated.

"I told you I'm sorry."

Thomas's anger returned despite my attempt at gentleness. "If you died you realized how messed up that would have made Kevin. He would have blamed himself. I have to tell him you're alive."

"No no wait." I rushed out the words.

Thomas scoffed "Oh so what? You're going to let that poor boy continue to wonder if he caused you to starve to death?"

"Fine. Tell him." I said, the gentleness gone in my tone and replaced with annoyance because this has lasted way too long and I wasn't getting anywhere in this conversation. However Thomas noticed the change in my voice.

"Shit… I'm sorry." Thomas said. "I do this. I'm difficult to be friends with. I start arguments for no good reason."

"No you're in the right to be angry with me. I can understand that fear and uncertainty. That night when you were injured. I wasn't sure if you were going to make it. If you didn't - it would have been the end of me." I admitted.

It actually made Thomas quiet. He looked at me and looked away quickly seemingly uncomfortable by my words. He took a drink and studied the glass before finally speaking again.

"I feel the same way." Thomas said."Yeah if I died that night it would have been the end of me."

I let out a laugh at the unexpected joke. "I was finally opening up."

"It's more uncomfortable than I thought it'd be." Thomas admitted with a smile.

* * *

That Sunday night went well after the conversation as did the Monday after. I had revealed to Thomas about my problems with Frank as he talked more about his grandfather. We spoke of friends we had since then and our troubles adjusting back to earth when we was still freshly away from Tarsus.

Thomas had many questions about Starfleet Academy as I had many about his future wife, both of us giving a genuine smile as we listened to the other talk about a potentially bright future. I hoped it worked out for him. He was probably hoping the same for me.

Monday night arrived and it was time for us to say our goodbyes. Something we didn't get to do back then.

"Thomas." I said reaching out my hand.

"Jim." Thomas smiled as he took it.

"When's the wedding?"

"18th of July" Thomas answered.

"Am I invited?"

"Not only that but if you manage to attend you can be a groomsman." The promise sounded nice and I completely wasn't expecting it.

"Can I be the best man?" I was pushing my luck at this point and I knew it.

"Believe it or not but I do have other friends."

"No, I believe it." I said. "I'll be there."

"I'll send you an invite. See you then."

"Hey, take better care of yourself." I yelled out as he walked away. Thomas turned around to look at me. He gave me no nod or confirmation that he was going to do what I asked of him and instead gave me a small smile.


	6. The Source

_**Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and liking my story I love all of you guys. Sorry for the slow update**_

Douglas Richardson knew three languages. He had one front tooth missing and would try to knock leaves out of trees with rocks. He was nine and he wasn't one of the survivors. So there was very little about him in the books. Nothing about his impressive education nor the fact that he had lost his tooth in a baseball incident a month prior to the massacre. The professor wouldn't let us chose him as our topic. Only those that survived. That's seven children whose stories will remain untold. Gary Evans who was great at distracting the younger children, Elsie Garcia who walked and ran through her pain, and Gwendolyn Wilson the cousin of Patricia.

I returned to my notes about Thomas Leighton but my thoughts still tortured me. I didn't like letting him leave in the emotional state that he was in. He seemed to be doing worse than me. I never expected that... I never wanted that. I'll have to start checking up on him through messages now.

It made me wonder about the other survivors. Could they be even worse? My head was pounding. These headaches were becoming more and more frequent. Of course I start getting migraines around the time my doctor friend stops talking to me.

"Jim." The name pierced through the silence and thoughts. It sounded kind, and it definitely didn't match the person it was coming from.

I looked up to see Uhura looking at me.

"The library is closing."

I looked around the building to see only a handful of students left and each of them was packing up to leave. The librarian was waiting impatiently by the desk with tired angry eyes that made me want to hurry.

"Oh, thanks." I said. Uhura nodded at me before walking back to her study group. That could have been my study group if I had played my cards right. Gaila, Finnegan, and Bones was turning everything off in their area. I remembered I needed to do the same and tried to hurry so I could beat them out of here without any awkward interactions.

Unfortunately just a moment later Finnegan had made his way over to me and sat on the table as I was getting ready to leave.

"Did you have fun with Thomas Leighton in that hotel room?" Finnegan asked in a tone that nearly made me angry. Thankfully, I was far too tired to get upset.

"More fun than you'll ever have with Francine." I said only giving him one glance before I grabbed my PADD to click it off. He seemed to be the type that would read over someone's shoulders. The essay was far too personal to me for any input that Finnegan could have about it.

"Hey McCoy, do you want to hear something interesting about Jimmy here?" Finnegan said.

I quickly turned to see Bones who was walking over to Finnegan. My fingers tensed on my PADD. I looked back to the table and back to Bones several times. It was difficult to decide which one would be a more natural reaction. It took a few seconds of repeating this action before I realized looking back and forth was actually the least normal thing for me to be doing right now. I settled on staring at my blank PADD as they continued talking.

"No, and the librarians are wanting us out of here." Bones said to Finnegan sounding very bored.

"You sure?" Finnegan said as he tried to make the news sound as tempting as possible.

The insistence to share my private information made me tear my eyes away from my blank PADD to give Finnegan a dirty look that Bones couldn't have missed.

"I'm absolutely sure the librarians are wanting us out of here." Bones tried again. At least he still sounded like he hated Finnegan. It would have really hurt if he replaced me with that guy.

Finnegan sighed and jumped off the table. He smiled one more time at me before turning to run back to Uhura and Gaila who were now heading out the doors. "Uhura wait up!" he shouted at her.

Bones turned to do the same but I quickly stood to try to catch up to him. "Bones?" I said. It came off more like a plea.

"It's Leonard." He said as he walked ahead, never looking at me once.

The cold tone was much harsher than the one he had with Finnegan. There is not a whole lot of people out there worse than him but I knew at the moment that I was one of those few. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. Finnegan never said the things I did. Bones never trusted him with the information about his personal life like he had trusted me. I took my best friend's trust and used it against him.

 _Damn it._

* * *

The next following days were uncomfortable ones. Sleep frequently came with nightmares now so I stayed up to work on the essay. Technically I finished it five times, but I would always delete the unsatisfying results at the end. No matter how I wrote it everything always came out wrong. It was difficult to write about events that I had to pretend to know only small details about. I could write a 100,000 page novel about the first night if I wanted to, but they couldn't know I knew that much.

I wanted to talk about those that didn't survive and how important they were to me. I wanted to talk about my aunt, uncles, and cousins. Those children that lasted so long but would later give in to starvation or were murdered for running. For once I wanted my story told but my way. Not what the books claimed was my story. There were so many failures and moments of cowardice that contradicted the public view of me that I wouldn't be able to include it within my essay without evidence that JT was anything other than a neat little mystery.

A mystery that was about to be solved if Finnegan didn't stop telling everyone who I spent the weekend with. He was the type of asshole who loved attention and currently he was getting that with the 'fun' little story he had about me. I hope everyone just assumed the man is a compulsive liar. He had made up stories before which was beneficial to me at the moment.

There was also another problem that still insisted to sit by me in the two classes that we shared. Bones never switched seats despite the anger that he projected at me every time I entered the room. They went from my favorite classes to the worst ones I ever had.

It had felt like a layer of ice was put in between us with no way for me to break through. The feeling of warmth that Leonard used to bring with him was no longer there. His eyebrows arched together just a bit more to show he was as uncomfortable as I was but the slight flare of his nostrils told me that he wasn't planning on resolving it in any fashion I would have preferred. He didn't sit by me because he wanted to, he sat by me because he didn't have a choice. That realization hurt.

I couldn't help but look over at him.

"You didn't deserve those things I said to you. " I whispered, probably sounding as pathetic as I felt. I just needed for him to hear that. His dark eyes flickered to me but returned to the board just as quickly. He didn't say anything.

The Professor began to speak as he walked into class and I tried not to listen. I found it easier to think of better times when he talked about our current subject. Throwing rocks across the river with my brother was a particularly good memory. Sam was better than me at it but I always made a bigger splash.

Unfortunately, it wasn't always possible to tune the class out completely. My ears would listen to the world around me instead of the pleasant one I was building in my head. It picked up on what the professor was looking for in our papers and what we should focus on. I was no longer able to return to my memory of skipping rocks at the lake when I noticed something. It was one thing but it bugged me.

He never once mentioned the other seven when naming off topics he'd be looking for. Just Kodos, the nine that survived, and the mistakes that were made. Not the others.

" _There was sixteen of us in those woods_." Thomas's words were just as audible to me as the professor's. Except Thomas's has been on repeat since I've first heard them. So much so that I didn't realize I had repeated those words out loud until everyone was looking at me.

"Sorry - I mean sixteen of them. Sixteen children." I corrected. I hoped that I looked tired enough that a mistake like that would be taken as an innocent case of saying the wrong word instead of the Freudian slip that it was. "What about the other seven? The seven that didn't make it? Why can't we make the assignments be about them?" I asked.

Professor Gill cleared his voice and spoke with a condescending tone that I wasn't prepared for. Clearly, not a man who enjoyed being interrupted. "The survivors have first-hand accounts of the massacre and the famine leading up to it." He said.

"Patricia Wilson and JT have no such accounts, but they are viable options to do the essay over it seems." It was a good point and I didn't understand why the other students were rolling their eyes at my question.

Professor Gill gave me a smile like I didn't have any idea what I was talking about. "The other accounts mention Patricia and JT more than enough to complete an essay over."

"The accounts also mention the other seven just as much as those two."

"The nine are the eyewitnesses of Kodos."

And there was the answer. The answer to Thomas's question on why they focused on us instead of those we lost. Kodos.

I stood - with my PADD still being grasped by my right hand. "That bastard is the reason we can't talk about the victims?" I asked knowing damn well I was now out of line. Knowing this fact didn't calm me down any.

" _Jim_." Leonard said as he grabbed my arm to try to get me to sit down. I shook off his hand and continued.

"Who cares what Kodos looked and acted like when he was trying to win the trust of children he caused to be in that situation in the first place? Is that the only reason we have this assignment?" I asked.

Gill was no longer smiling as he glared at me from five rows away.

"If you have a problem with the class you can talk to me about it after but do not make a scene while I'm trying to teach, do you understand?

I exhaled from my nose and slowly sat down.

"Yes sir, I understand."

* * *

I knew what my topic was going to be about now - and I was rushing to finish it in time. I had started later than everybody else but damn if it was going to be noticeable. I skipped breakfast and lunch to be at the library. Dinner was off the table too when I found myself struggling with the sources. I knew the facts sure - but how was I going to prove it?

Thomas could be a source but that'd require reaching out to him about Tarsus IV again. He doesn't deserve to live in the past a second longer.

I wasn't sure how to solve this and it was destroying me. I didn't want to back out of this.

"Are you alright?" It was Uhura again. I was seconds away from throwing my PADD before her interruption so I was thankful for her surprisingly kind face. Several tables back I saw Leonard sitting down watching our conversation from behind a PADD. It wasn't subtle but he rarely ever was.

"I'm fine."

"It's a difficult subject." She said with an understanding smile.

"It is." I hollowly agreed.

"You should take a break every now and then to get your mind off of it." Uhura threw out the recommendation like it was a passing thought and she hadn't walked over here specifically to tell me that.

"I should."

Uhura laughed. "You won't though. Every time I come to the library you're already in here.

I managed a smile for her.

"It's hard to get my mind off of it. I might as well work on the essay since I'm thinking about it anyway." I turned my PADD off as I spoke. A break was tempting now that she brought it up.

"Do try to get some rest at least." Uhura asked before she turned away.

"Hey, Uhura?" I asked as she was walking back to Leonard.

She turned around.

"Yes?"

I smiled before asking. "Is it Ethel?"

Uhura rolled her eyes and walked back to her table.

* * *

Friday rolled around and I was honest to god thankful for it because it meant Monday was closer. Monday would be the last day we would be forced to focus on this godforsaken assignment. Perhaps I shouldn't be too excited since I wasn't yet done with it but I just wanted to move on.

I sat next to Bones again and pulled out my PADD as did he. None of us said a word to each other as I continued to look for possible sources to back up the things I've already written.

That's when Bones jumped out of his seat with a shout. I looked over to see he had spilled his coffee on his PADD and on his lap.

"Damn it!" Bones yelled. I watched as he let out a few more profanities. Must have been some hot fresh coffee. "Don't look at me I might start crying." He said to me when he caught me staring. The spill was beginning to pool over to my side of the table so I quickly lifted my stuff and placed it in my lap instead while Bones attempted to pat the spill down with some towels that he had quickly recovered from the back of the room.

After he had cleaned what he could Bones just examined his soaked PADD. Finally, he turned to look at me.

"Can you send me the notes?" Bones asked.

"Of course."

"Thanks."

Bones went back to staring at the front, his thumbs twiddling as his hands had nothing else to do now.

I smiled before asking "Which one upsets you more, the PADD or the coffee?"

Bones let out a hard laugh.

"Which one do you think? The coffee."

The entire exchange was an awkward dance of flickering eye contact and the two of us shifting uncomfortably in our seats - but we were smiling. I considered it a win.

"Did you send Uhura to check on me the other night?" I asked.

"Why the hell would I do that?" He snapped at me, but it was closer to what I was used to then any real trace of resentment.

"You're a doctor first, and an angry man second?"

Bones seemed to consider this for a bit. "Yeah well, you looked like shit." He finally admitted.

"Here." I said while holding up my own coffee. Bones acted like I was asking him to marry me. His grumpy attitude momentarily slipped off his face and his eyes were completely focused on what I had in my hand.

"You sure you don't need it?" He asked as he was already reaching out to grab the cup.

"I'm fine."

"I wouldn't go that far." He mumbled but took my gift anyway.

Class went on and about fourteen minutes in I realized how truly exhausted I actually was. I had been pushing my body but my sleepless nights was finally catching up to me. I could just rest my head. Maybe Bones was right and I needed that coffee more than he did. I yawned and tossed my PADD to him with a quick mutter of "You might want to take the notes for me because I'm not focusing at all." I heard Bones groan but I ignored it. I was self-indulgent enough to shut my eyes as I laid my head on my arm.

 _It's wasn't the woods this time. It was at home where Sam and I used to play. I recognized our favorite spot by a fence I would climb. It was windy. It wasn't Sam with me this time but Thomas who on the ground bleeding from his head. The fence was taller this time - unlike how I remembered it. I couldn't climb over to get to him. "Thomas!" I yelled. But Thomas was motionless in the dirt. Wasn't it supposed to be mud?_

 _I didn't question it for long as I managed to get higher and higher on the fence but it was still growing taller the higher I got from the ground. Thomas was getting more and more difficult to see the further I got from him. I should have dug under or something - this wasn't working. I tried to climb down to try something new but I found my hands sticking to the fence. I looked down at my friend who was helplessly alone. He looked different now that I was so far from him but I still tried shouting and pleading at him in hopes he would get up. The wind was getting heavier and I could feel the fence shake from the pressure. As worried as I was for my friend, I knew I was also in danger myself now. Except, it didn't matter how much I tried because I couldn't move. All I could hear was wind now. Then something grabbed my arm._

"Hey _hey_. Jim." I woke up to Bones shaking my arm which caused me to jump with a small gasp. I looked at him - my mind slowly realizing that no one was in danger. "Sounded like you were having a nightmare." Bones said with a smirk playing on his lips.

"What do you care?" I snapped. I probably shouldn't get hostile at the person I'm trying to get to forgive me and who also currently has my PADD in their hands. There was something behind that smirk though - I knew him enough at this point to see that.

"Alright, that's how it's going to be? Fine." Bones said, before adding. "You talk in your sleep by the way.""No, I don't." I scoffed.

"Damn sure do."

I knew I didn't trust that smirk of his. Oh god, I hope I didn't say Thomas's name.

"What did I say?"

" _Bones_ and then something along the lines of _Please don't die_. I hope you managed to save me." Bones explained. He was smiling as I shook my head.

"I wasn't dreaming of you."

Bones laughed like he didn't believe me. "You give other people that nickname?""I remember what I was dreaming and you weren't in it." I remember the dream clearly. Well, the last part was still a little blurry but I'm pretty certain it was Thomas."And here I was touched for a few moments." Bones said. He examined my face for a second before asking "What's wrong kid?"

I shifted uneasily at the scrutiny but I didn't want to brush off Bones again. I sighed and whispered. "Did you ever have someone in your life who has problems and you're unbelievably stressed because you can't help them?"

Bones laughed loudly and suddenly but then remembered he was in class so attempted to quiet it down a bit - failing because others were still cutting their eyes at us.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back against my seat until he was finished.

Then he cleared his throat, nodded at me with a serious expression I knew was forced and answered "Yeah, I have someone who is a bit like that.""I never asked for help. Anyway-" I finally started to explain but I was interrupted.

"Are they as stubborn as you are?"I nodded.

"Lord, then you have my sympathies." Bones said.

It dawned on me this was not the place I wanted to have a conversation about Thomas at. A quiet classroom with several bored ears might help the rumors that Finnegan has going around about me."We'll talk more after class." I said and was grateful that Bones seemed to be okay with that.

"What do they need help with?" Bones immediately asked me the moment we stepped out of the classroom.

I carefully thought my answer over before saying "Past... traumas..."

"What are they doing that's worrying you?"

I couldn't say " _Oh he's acting like me but on a bad day_." Sure, it was the best way I could explain why I was worried about him. It would also open up a can of worms that I wasn't nearly prepared for. I rubbed my hand across my face. My thoughts were not forming into words for the longest time. Finally, I knew I had to just try to explain at least because Bones was still watching me.

"They've just been behaving recklessly and I'm concerned they're going to get themselves hurt. He's holding in so much anger I don't know how to get him to let it go."

I slipped that I was talking about a guy but I don't think Bones was treating this as a mystery he needed to solve. I didn't worry much about him connecting it to Thomas and to what Finnegan had been saying.

Bones finally got done sending the notes to himself and handed back my PADD "And we're not talking about yourself here?" He asked.

"No Bones, we're not."

Suddenly, Bones was laughing again.

"and why is that funny?"

"Just picturing you as the responsible friend.""Hey just because I don't take care of myself doesn't mean I can't try to take care of other people." I argued.

It was the story of my life actually. Mom, Sam, and Thomas.

"Wish I had an answer for you. Does he go here?"

I should lie to hide who I'm talking about. I brushed that idea away quickly. Don't lie to Bones. He'll catch it.

"No, so I can't even check to see how he is doing until the summer. I just have to hope my run-of-the-mill advice didn't make things worse." I said, my voice getting quieter.

Bones put his hand on my shoulder. "Let me give you some run-of-the-mill advice." He began. I snorted before he continued. "Sometimes you just have to trust that people can handle the rough parts of their lives alone. Of course, do all you can to help but you can't watch over them 24/7. It's still his life, Jim. It's his journey." I have to admit that sometimes Bones can almost sound wise when he isn't being a grumpy doctor. He still had coffee stains on his uniform though so I couldn't take him too seriously.

"Oh that's rich coming from you. I can't go anywhere without you watching me to make sure I'm not messing up."

"What you can't do - teach."

"That's offensive to teachers everywhere."

"You can worry about your friend when you see them again." Bones said. "For now, I want you to focus on Jim Kirk. Because you look like hell and that's supposed to be my thing." He pointed at me as he spoke.

I looked up at Bones and managed to give him a small smile.

"Thank you for..." _everything_ "Listening."

"And thank you for trying to save me in your nightmare."

"Who said I was trying to save you and who said it was a nightmare? You being out of my hair sounds like a great dream." I said without any real malice in my voice.

"So you admit it was me."

Thomas's face did change shapes in that dream. I was beginning to think Bones was right and he might have made an appearance in it after all.

"As it comes back to me, a face may have changed to resemble a really grumpy doctor." I mumbled, not being able to look at him as I admitted this.

He didn't laugh that time.

Bones said nothing else until we reached the other side of the sidewalk.

"See you around Jim."

Bones departed to his next class as I headed in the opposite direction. I didn't have another class for two hours so logically it would have been a great time to finally catch some rest.

Instead, when I finally made it to my room I made a call.

"Jim?" Christopher Pike's face was on the other side of the screen.

"I want to give my account of what happened on Tarsus IV."


	7. The Seven Victims

_Author's Note:_

 _As always thank you for the reviews and likes! I appreciate them so much_

* * *

I spent my entire Saturday with Christopher Pike discussing the one thing I always refused to talk to him about. The chair, however, was incredibly comfortable and it didn't match the stiff furniture that was on the rest of the campus. He sat opposite me with a recording device between us. As the device readied itself, Christopher's hands were neatly clasping each other and I realized I had been subconsciously mimicking him when I looked down at my own hands.

"Are you ready?" Christopher asked.

I gave only a nod fearing my voice would give a different answer.

I started at the very beginning. Back when there were only small signs that something was going wrong. The missed meals, the tense looks adults would give each other, and the first break-ins. It started to escalate to murders and days without eating. I mentioned how uncle was one of those killed for carrying food back to his family and how we didn't eat for a while after that because my aunt was afraid of going out to receive the food and leaving us alone. Eventually, my cousin and I snuck out to get our shares but we had to do so in the middle of the night where we would be camouflaged in the shadows.

Then I moved on to talking about the event. The massacre. I never could stand thinking about it but I shared it anyway. My cousin deserved to be spoken about more than what I gave. The entire subject of Tarsus IV was rough to talk about - but talking about him was too much for me. I admitted that his hand slipped from mine right before the sixteen of us escaped, and how if I clung on a little tighter he might have...

I moved on to talk about somebody else and that was Catherine Yoshida's father. He had been the one to pull me near his family and whispered to me about a hole in the fence. His name was Phillip Yoshida.

The hole in the fence was very small and that was why it had been overlooked. It was a rough squeeze even for the children. There was no way the adults could fit through. Only sixteen made it out of there in time. It was a haunting sound, all of those bodies falling.

I began to talk about the events in the woods. I began with the shooting at the abandoned house that cost me three of my children and the shooting near the hill that cost us Gwendolyn Wilson and just about made us lose Thomas.

"Why now, Jim?" Captain Pike abruptly asked. The interruption felt a lot like I was actually being pulled away from the shooting and into safety.

I gave a small laugh.

"I needed a source for the facts in my assignment. Yes, I checked and that's allowed."

"Assignment."

"Yeah." I answered even though I wasn't sure if it was a question or not.

Christopher groaned and closed his eyes with his hand covering his face.

"I wouldn't have let you do the assignment if I known."

"That's why I didn't tell you."

When I didn't continue talking, Christopher looked back up at me. "What's wrong?... James?" He asked - his voice almost sounding panicked.

Bones and Christoper apparently just had to look at my face to know when something was wrong. It should have been an admirable trait of theirs but I wasn't fond of it.

"My heart is beating fast." I said.

"We can finish this at a later time. This might be too much right now."

"No, I need it done before I turn in my assignment." I argued - hearing the desperation in my own voice.

"I don't think-" but I never let him finish. I launched back into my account on Tarsus describing the changes the group had to face when Thomas was injured.

Christopher leaned back and listened.

* * *

The campus was filled with people looking down on their PADD with a variety of expressions. Some looked mildly curious, most was jotting stuff down presumably to use for their essays, and others looked downright horrified. I wondered to myself which one I would find Bones doing as I walked to class. I guess I can somewhat understand the rush to read the new account. JT has been rumored to be dead for so long that it must have been exciting that a new point of view on the event was finally getting brought into the light. Christopher asked me if I wanted to reveal my name finally, after all these years. I thought about it - but decided that my name has been through enough.

As a celebration to myself for reaching the finish line of this godforsaken subject - I was going to eat in class. Partly the reason was that I overslept and I didn't have time to eat before. Everyone was just going to have to deal with it because I put off enough meals for this assignment. I didn't even want to think about the irony of the situation.

The door to the history and science building slid open and I took a step inside trying to keep the coffee and food neatly balanced in my hands.

 _"Are you JT?"_

Bones appeared out of nowhere resulting in me dropping everything I had been carrying. This left a growing coffee puddle in a very narrow hallway along with my breakfast I had been carrying.

"Jesus Christ Bones!" I screamed at him before kneeling down to pick up what I could.

Bones didn't seem the least bit bothered by what he had done and continued talking. "I've had suspicions about it since your little slip up in class but this?" He held up his apparently fixed PADD that had JT's new account of the Tarsus IV massacre on the screen. "He talks just like you!"

"We're going to start getting in trouble at some point for all of the coffee we keep spilling," I said. The only thing I could eat now from the mess on the floor was an apple as the rest of the meal's contents was scattered and soaked.

"You've looked exhausted and miserable for the past two weeks! This assignment was clearly emotionally straining on you! You should have told somebody so you wouldn't have to go through that!"

"Of course your solution is to yell at me about my emotional strain." I grabbed the nearest waste bin to throw the food into. "God, can you help me out here or something?"

Bones finally leaned down to help pick up the mess he caused. It only kept him silent for about a second or two before he went back to the subject that he was determined we were going to talk about.

"Are you okay now at least? After today we're done discussing this in class. That must bring some sort of relief?" He asked, his eyes filled with concern.

I almost said, "It might've if I wasn't so damn hungry." The sentence was in my mind and I formed the first word with my mouth before I stopped and realized just how exactly those words would be taken by him.

"Yeah, I'm okay. You don't have to worry." I said instead.

"Consider me officially worried."

"Let's go. Someone is going to slip on that and it'll be all your fault by the way." I said walking away and gesturing to the wet floor.

"All that shit I let Finnegan say in front of you!" Bones said.

"Puddles in hallways are a hazard - you're not even listening are you?"

"-not to mention the documentary that I dragged you to."

I sighed and looked away from him. "We are having two different conversations right now."

Miraculously, we made it to class without anyone walking by to overhear Bones' tirade about how concerned he is for my emotional stability. We both prepared our essays to be ready to send. I witnessed several students adding things at the last minute. I couldn't tell if it was just students who finish things late or if it was because of the new information that I put out there.

I looked over at Bones to see if he was fixing anything only to find him glancing over at mine that I still had pulled up on the screen instead. I didn't fault him for being nosy. My title was probably eye-catching because it didn't say a survivors name like it was supposed to. Every other student's title would have Thomas Leighton, Catherine Yoshida, or Donovan Eames. Instead on my page with enlarged font said

"Seven victims." Bones read out loud.

"There's been enough said about Kodos and those that knew him." I said as if I owed him an explanation. Maybe I did at this point. I brushed him off enough.

His eyebrows were scrunched down together as he continued to read my screen. He was visibly upset as his mouth was even tighter than usual.

"I've never been taught their names."

I blinked at the confession and took a moment to process that.

"That's no fault of yours." I sighed. "I'm not going to get a fantastic grade on this. This wasn't what Professor Gill assigned."

"Yeah but… Would you have been okay with yourself if you just did what was assigned instead of what was needed?" Bones replied.

I met Bones' eyes with mine.

Professor Gill walked in and went straight to telling everyone that they had five minutes to send in their assignments.

I wanted to be relieved by Bones' words. He was right. Of course, he was. Sometimes I think he knew me better than I knew myself. Except that wasn't the only thing I was afraid of. It was only part of it.

I hit send.

And I waited.

I waited until the end of the class period.

Then it happened.

It was the sound of everyone leaving. Of countless students rushing out the doors at once. The loud sounds of feet stomping the ground and bags hitting desks that echoed throughout the room.

With every loud step that hit the floor, I heard the sound of thousands of bodies dropping.

I was done with the assignment, but I wasn't done with Tarsus.

* * *

"You know you can always talk to me about anything that's bothering you? Lord knows I don't hold back on you. Is this where you wanted to eat? I probably should have asked before walking you here. Here, have my share I'm not even hungry. Jesus, they sure were stingy with the ice. Do you want my lukewarm drink too? It's not a very tempting offer but-"

"I'm fine, Bones. Thank you."

I never liked eating here. There was something about the colors on the wall that made me nauseous. The murky yellow and the slime green didn't seem like it would help anyone's appetite yet someone decided to paint the place with the worst colors they could find. Another thing that made the cafeteria poorly designed was the tables. They were too close to the seats. It evoked a crowded feeling. Limited almost. I shifted around trying my best to get as comfortable as possible. All the while I felt myself being watched.

Quick glances. Then he would look back at his tray and nibble on his food. It reminded me of those early moments in our friendship when we were just beginning to know each other. When there was still awkward moments of silence in-between small talk. When I wouldn't know if I should ask about the divorce and he was curious about why I always danced around any personal question.

Finally, one of us broke the silence.

"Goddamnit." Bones snapped.

"What?" I asked looking up from my drink that I had just been staring at. He was right, there wasn't enough ice in it.

"I don't know how to do this." Bones said.

"That's a bit obvious." I agreed.

"I just… I don't think you're okay."

"I'm not."

"I-"

"But I will be… with time." I said.

Bones leaned back and ran his hand through his hair. He briefly broke eye contact with me as he stared off into the distance. A moment passed before he looked back and asked. "Have you considered getting help?"

I smiled. Finally, there was something I could say to Bones that wouldn't cause immediate concern for my safety. "I'm starting to consider it."

"Really?" Bones asked.

I nodded.

With a loud sigh of relief Bones breathed out "Thank God." and followed it with. "Thought your hatred of doctors was going to cause more problems here."

"You're a good doctor. I suppose I can trust one more."

"Sappy." Bones said but his smile showed no distaste to the sentiment.

* * *

Things had become balanced again. It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible.

Despite doing double the work I got a C grade. Bones was more upset about it then I was as he ranted about it beyond his usual time frame. I didn't care as much. I was more focused on dealing with the counselor that Bones and Pike both somehow seemed to agree would be best for me without even discussing it with each other. I fear the day they both knowingly team up with each other against me.

My trick to deal with the counselor was to just pretend I was talking to Bones when I would talk about things I didn't want to talk about. I'm hoping, by next semester, I can just handle talking to her without imagining her as somebody else.

My trick was to just imagine I was talking to Bones when I would discuss things with the counselor that was difficult. I'm hoping, by next semester, I can handle talking to her just as she was without pretending she was somebody else.

The semester was now over. Everyone was preparing to make a quick visit to family, friends or otherwise. For once I was looking forward to it. "Where are you going exactly? Home? I'm sure your mother and brother would love that." Bones asked before we separated.

I shook my head.

"I'm going to a wedding."


End file.
